Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Biking Chronicles of Pedal Bob Braino # 6 - "Lucky I Didn't Run Over It"

Pedal Bob was cruising down a singletrack one fine Sunday morning. Couple other riders were trailing behind. Suddenly, his finger pulled his brake lever, his bike drifted before grounding to a halt. He stopped and stood frozen momentarily. The riders behind him didn't respond in time causing a small pile up but lucky Bob was spared. Slowly he dismounted. His eyes glued to something on the ground. Something that caused him to brake suddenly.

He walked towards it. A lump of squishy brownish substance laid on the track in a spiral pattern. The rest of the riders just observed with quizzical look. Bob approached closer. He stopped just inches away from the lump. He knelt, stooped closer to the thing. After brief cursory examination he exclaimed "It looks like shit". The riders behind him stood frozen and flabbergasted. Look of disbelief painted all over their faces. They stood there motionless, wondering what the heck was Bob up to. Like a CSI examining a crime scene collecting evidence, Bob stooped lower till his nose was just an inch from the thing. He took a small whiff, but it seemed like it was not enough. He exhaled, emptying his lung and then inhaled deeply while his nose was precisely positioned to suck in the fume. Again, he paused momentarily. A quick mental analysis then he blurted "IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT!".

The riders behind him dropped their jaw. Unpertubed, Bob went for the finale. He took a pinch of the substance. He stuck his tongue out and smeared the pinch onto his taste bud. He withdrew his tongue, rolled it and lulled it in his mouth. Frowning as if in hard thinking before he finally spat. With a satisfied look on his face, he yelled "Tastes like shit". He paused momentarily. "IT IS SHEEEYYYIIITTTTTTT!!!", he concluded..."Lucky I didn't run over it", hemuttered. He got up, casually walked back to his bike, picked it up and pedaled off. One of the spectator puked there and then, the other dropped to the ground and went into a fit and the third one fainted, unknown when he would regain consciousness.

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